My retired husband does nothing all day. In general, quitting working life, especially in men, leads to depression, anxiety, unreasonable expectations, financial limitations, despair, and unpredictable behaviors, which easily affects interpersonal relationships. After decades of working and being out of the house, the man is now supposed to be with his wife all day.
On the surface, everything seems ideal, unaware that over time, the common life will face many challenges that should not be simply passed over. In this context, psychologists warn about a syndrome that involves the wives of these people. One of the problems of women is the retirement of men. After about 30 years of working and being out of the house, the man is supposed to be with his wife all day. These conditions may cause challenges in married life. In this article from humanhealthmag, we will try to share the methods of dealing with this challenge with you.
Retired Husband Does Nothing All Day، What To Do?
Did you know there is a disorder called “retired husband syndrome”? This syndrome affects housewives whose husbands have retired and are now at home every day. Many of these women experience fatigue and exhaustion, nervous irritability and extreme depression. The theory of retired husband syndrome was proposed thirty years ago by Dr. Charles Clifford Johansson who had conversations with housewives whose husbands had retired and complained about their men being at home. These women felt bad and wanted to scream, because their husbands were constantly in front of them and driving them crazy.
Japanese women seem to suffer from retired husband syndrome more than most women. More than 90 percent of Japanese women over the age of 65 have never worked outside the home, so when they are suddenly faced with the problem that their husbands are at home 24/7 She eats. Divorce rates among retired couples in Japan have increased dramatically over the past 20 years.
Are you also afraid of the consequences of your husband’s retirement? Are you worried that he is going to sit on your heart all day and you don’t know what to do with him? Do you think when retired husband does nothing all day, unemployment and so much free time might make your husband grumpy, stubborn and incompatible? Or maybe these things have happened so far! Retirement can be difficult and uncomfortable for both the man and his wife, who are not yet ready for this fundamental change.
In general, men define themselves by their work and the role they play in their profession, and then consider themselves husbands and fathers. On the other hand, women maintain several roles at the same time and it doesn’t matter what their work is outside the home, and they are usually more social than men; So it’s no wonder that retirement can leave men feeling confused and lonely, making them more dependent on their spouses. As a result, retirement sometimes really leads to a new kind of stress and discord in the marital relationship.
Important Solutions When Your Retired Husband Does Nothing All Day
Remember, retirement has nothing to do with laziness, when your retired husband does nothing all day. Retirement is a natural phase of life for working people that opens a whole new window to life, but it requires planning, tact and logic to enjoy this period and cope with its crises.
Go for your dreams and plan for them. Couples who are used to planning together for financial and family issues during their years together, are more successful in retirement. You must have had dreams that the busyness of work and life and children’s affairs did not allow you to follow. Talk to your spouse and see if you can fulfill any of your wishes and plans.
Do all people achieve success exactly when they like and expect it? We ask another question: Do you think everyone is lucky enough to become a successful person at a young age when they have energy, strength and an efficient mind? Of course not.Great achievements after age 70, Is it possible?!
When your retired husband does nothing all day, do activities that you both enjoy. Now that your spouse is retired, you have a lot of time to spend together. Doing the right activities that are interesting for both of you can reduce your tension and stress and provide conditions to enjoy being together instead of being greedy.
Consider a personal space for each of you at home and allow each other to pursue their individual interests. We all need space and time for ourselves to be alone and do what we love. Respect your privacy and don’t feel guilty about taking some time for yourself. The times when you are alone and engaged in your favorite activity, you are actually getting energy and charging for the other times when you are with your spouse and children.
Talk about your feelings, worries and fears in this new stage of life, comfortably and intimately with your spouse. Spouses who don’t talk about their fears and worries usually have trouble understanding each other’s opinions and behaviors. For example, a man who used to fill his whole day with his work and profession and now has to retire early may be angry and disturbed because he is no longer working. If he does not talk to his wife about his worries and discomfort, he will surprise and annoy her with his behavior. Communication has always been the most important part of a relationship and now it is even more important.
Take time to listen to what your spouse has to say. Many times, especially when there is tension, we think we know what the other party is saying and we don’t bother to listen to what he has to say, in fact we don’t listen to what he says at all. A relationship needs empathy, and empathy is when you feel the pain, worries, and fears of your other party. In this stage or crisis of life, the need for empathy increases. Be kinder to each other. Kindness is contagious. When you are kind and gentle with your wife, she is less likely to get angry with you. Kindness helps your relationship to become stronger and you consider each other more.
Your Husband Is Depressed After Retirement?
Sometimes quitting your job and retiring can be so stressful that you feel depressed, and this is more common than you might think. If your spouse is struggling with post-retirement depression or your retired husband does nothing all day, it’s best to encourage them to talk about how they’re feeling and get them involved in activities. Boredom often occurs because your partner feels that he is no longer useful or needed, and this can be resolved by setting a new goal and accepting responsibility.
You may feel that your spouse has become lazy after retirement and never leaves the house or watches too much TV. Maybe your spouse is not lazy or unmotivated, but his perception of retirement is doing nothing. Well, that’s fine, but the thing is, if you have other agendas, this attitude and mindset can seem selfish. So what should you do? Talk to your wife patiently and let her know that there are moments in life that cannot be repeated and you should not miss them by negligence, because you never know how much time life will give you to be together more.
If your husband never leaves the house…
When someone withdraws from others, for example, he never likes to leave the house, it is not necessarily because he does not want to interact with others, but it can be a sign that he is sad and depressed or has a phobia. The point here is that this behavior may go back to your own feelings. If you’re upset that your retired husband does nothing all day or your retired spouse never leaves the house, maybe it’s because you want some alone time at home. Or maybe you like to go out and do things together. So first you have to see why you want your wife to go out more. Talk to him and ask his opinion and feelings so that your opinion has the aspect of love and attention, not criticism and making excuses.
Some men seem to get grumpier as they get older, and you’re not alone. As if these men can complain about anything, from the neighbor’s behavior to TV programs! Maybe for the reasons we said above, your wife doesn’t feel good about her retirement days and shows this feeling like this, or maybe she was grumpy from the beginning, but because she was at work all day and you spent less time with her, you didn’t realize it!
But if your spouse’s mood swings are not a part of his personality and have occurred after his retirement, it could be a sign of depression or early Alzheimer’s. If your spouse’s mood changes are such that you don’t even want to hang out with anyone, it is better to seek help from a professional counselor.
Retired Husband Does Nothing All Day
In this article, we talked about retired husband does nothing all day. According to the above, retirement is not going to disrupt your relationship and life, but it is just a change and every change is accompanied by stress. Find among yourselves possible ways to maintain peace and better communication and at the same time maintain your personal space to enjoy this phase of your life.
One thing you should not forget is that you cannot change your wife. We have all learned that we cannot change others, we can only change ourselves. You can influence others and that is exactly what you should do. With a new plan for retirement, you can influence your married life and take control of things in this way. If both of you are into sports, from now on you can exercise together, go shopping together, cook together or plan when you and your spouse cook, visit friends, in charity activities. Participate and of course include your personal time in the program.
FAQs
Retired Husband Does Nothing All Day, How To Manage the Problem?
Whining and whining won’t heal your pain, except it will make you more nervous. Know that by constantly criticizing your wife’s morals and behavior, there will be no change in her and her circumstances. So think about finding basic solutions to manage the existing situation. Since it is not possible to roll a single version for everyone, we recommend that you take a closer look at your new conditions to find out the problems.
Is it possible to get help from a consultant to solve this problem?
Some of the moral and behavioral characteristics that some men have, such as domineering, overbearing, short-tempered, or angry, are among the characteristics that have been with them for years. The fact that it appears now in retirement and seems new is only because of the time and environment conditions that brought the husband and wife together. So, if you see that some of your spouse’s behaviors are unbearable, be sure to ask a counselor for help to control the situation and reduce existing tensions. By doing this, the amount of self-care of you and your wife will increase and you will realize that many of your actions are intentional and not to hurt others.